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Double Negative

from The Raven by Bryson K

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lyrics

It’s tough to grasp happiness with a balled-up fist
It just doesn’t work like this
Why don’t you make a list
Of all the reasons why
You hate the world outside
Crumple it up real tight
And swallow it with your pride

We’ve all got our demons, white lies and deep dark secrets,
Shoeboxes and closets full of bones
Be it powders or pills,
Elixers or smoke,
Or the mountain of bills piling up to your throat
Oh, I know fully fucking well, your head’s as good as any cell
A little perfect private hell we build ourselves

If you’re always angry about being angry
You might never not be…

A dialtone, five rings and an answering machine
“Hi we’re not home..”
I hang up just before the beep.
I start to tense up right around ring two or three
By the time it gets to my part, I have not the breath to speak

We’ve all got these places we pack full of shit that we don’t need
It builds up and fills up, neglecting the need for room to breathe.

(bridge)
Sometimes I drink because I drink too much, to numb the aching in my head
Sometimes I smoke because I smoke too much to help with the stress of shortened breath
I have removed my heart from on my sleeve and stuffed it back inside my chest,
So when it bursts from the anxiety, it won’t make such a mess.
I hate that I am hateful
I get too sad to be depressed
I am still sick and tired of being sick and tired
I am so full of regrets
And I am sorry that I am sorry
And if I don’t call, it’s just I don’t know what I’d say
Not that I don’t love you and miss you and hope that you’re ok
I’m still chasing rabbits
Making and breaking habits
Trying to be happy about being happy
So that I might never not be…

credits

from The Raven, released January 14, 2015

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Bryson K Easton, Pennsylvania

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